


A Good Sort Of Problem

by Luna_Myth



Category: Magic Animal Club
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Awkwardness, Celebrities, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Dancing, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Famous Youtubers AU, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, M/M, Romance, bisexual au, real life AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:12:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2678591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luna_Myth/pseuds/Luna_Myth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Stampy and Squid are bi and famous when they went a charity ball. After a lot of confusion, everyone thinks they're dating. Eventual Squampy, once they realize that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Appearances

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first story I wrote with them romantically that I was proud of. That being said, it still might be terrible. But I tried and I hope you have a laugh.

            The limo pulled up outside of the hall and two young men in formal attire stepped out onto the curb.

            As they took in their surroundings, Stampy asked, “Why are we here again? Can’t we go and play hunger games or something?”

            Squid studied his surroundings again before replying, “Because, Stampy, our publicity agents said we had to attend some sort of charity event. I mean I don’t see why we have to, but you know…appearances.”

            As they continued walking towards the hall, Stampy shook his head in amusement and slight, lingering confusion. “Alright. If you say so, Squid.”He smiled. “Why’d we pick this event anyways? I mean a ball. Really, Squid? Really?”

            Squid cut him off before he could continue his joking rant. “Well, the people in charge thought a ball would make us appear ‘classier’.”He smirked in amusement.

            Stampy jumped in, “Because class is definitely something people expect from Minecraft Youtubers."

            They both smirked and Squid continued, “Yeah, but what the managers don’t know is that this is a LGBT charity ball.”

            “Ahh, clever, Squidnugget. That’ll definitely make an interesting appearance.”Stampy laughed. 

            “Yeah, well, I don’t want to brag, but

I am pretty clever.”Squid said, false modestly.

            “Yeah, sure you are, Squid.”Stampy said, laughing.

            “What do you mean?”Squid started to say as they walked through the front doors of the hall. Then stopped as he and Stampy looked around the vast hall.        Squid craned his neck up at the intricately decorated ceiling and was studying all the people when Stampy exclaimed, “Cake!”

            Squid looked over at Stampy, who was tugging on his suit jacket’s sleeve.

            “Look!”Stampy said, pointing excitedly. “There’s cheesecake over there! Oh, cheesecake sounds good. Let’s go get some.”He started to walk over to the cheesecake-bearing table, then turned around and said, “Well, aren’t you coming, Squid?”

            Squid was staring at a group of people. “Yeah, I’m coming, but look at that group of people there. No, there, them there."

            Stampy groaned. “Oh please don’t tell me that those people are who I think they are!”

            Squid smiled humorlessly, a rare sight on him. “I think they are, mate. Reporters.”

            Stampy groaned again. “Ugh, come on then. There is only one thing that will make this better.”

            “Cheesecake.”

            “Cheesecake.”

            Stampy smiled and dragged Squid over to the snack table.

            Squid was still studying the press until he saw Stampy pick up a plate out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see Stampy eyeing the cheesecake.

            “Don’t eat the whole thing this time.”Squid warned.

            Stampy let out a sound of exasperation. “Oh gaw, remember what happened last time? Let’s just say that did not end well…”

            “Right,”Squid continued. “Which is why I’m warning you now."

            “I’ve got it, Squid, I’ve got it.”Stampy replied, giving himself a slice of cheesecake.

            As Stampy dug into his cheesecake, Squid asked, “So what are we supposed to do now? I mean, we’re here, making an appearance.  Eating cheesecake. What else are we supposed to do?”

            Stampy looked up. “Eat more cheese cake?”

            Squid smirked. “Don’t you even try, mate. Leave some for the rest of us.”

            “It was worth a shot.”Stampy said, spearing another piece of his cheesecake. “At any rate, we’re not dancing. I wouldn’t want you to poke someone’s eye out with your dancing.”

            “My dancing? What about yours?”Squid said in fake outrage. “My dancing is beautiful.”

            Stampy smiled. “Good for you, Squid, but I doubt you’ll get to try it out.”

            “Why not?”Squid asked incredulously.

            “You don’t a have a partner, Squid! You can’t waltz or whatever they’re doing without a partner!”

            “Ohh! Right.”

            “Honestly. Silly Squid Nugget…”Stampy said, shaking his head, but smiling.

             Squid chuckled slightly and went back to observing the crowd.

            Several minutes passed with Stampy finishing his cheesecake and Squid watching the dancers while keeping an eye on the reporters.

            Finally, Squid interrupted Stampy's mental musings on a new mini game idea by straightening up and informing him he was going to the bathroom.

            Stampy nodded and said wryly, “Alright then. I’ll tell you if you miss any of this exciting dancing.”Then he added in a sillier tone of voice, “Don’t you worry about a thing, Squid Nugget. Mr. Stampy Cat will be watching things over here. At the snack table. In case the snack table needs watching.”

            Squid laughed. “Cool. Make sure the snack table doesn’t wander off.”Squid told him before wandering off himself.

            Stampy chuckled and started to go back to his musing when he saw a group of people past by Squid. It looked like they were heading towards him. Reporters.

            Stampy inhaled sharply and straightened against the table he and Squid had been leaning on. He didn’t like reporters much, or publicity for that matter, but that was the price of being a famous Youtuber. So he straightened his orange Stampy Cat tie and tried to flatten his floofy, black hair as he watched the reporters make their way towards him. It seemed they had made an agreement because only one of the reporters came over to him.

            The reporter, a salt and pepper haired man with dull brown eyes and a averagely fair skin tone, stood in front of Stampy and introduced himself.

            “Hello, Mr. Garret. My name is Treyers. John Treyers. I’m from Youtubers Weekly and those of us at Youtubers Weekly should like to enquire what you’re doing here.”he smiled in a way that was supposed to be charming, but really just make Stampy uneasy.

            Stampy cleared his throat nervously. Despite how good he was at commentating and despite his years of experience, he was still very much a private cat who wasn’t a fan of speaking in public. Even though Stampy had spoken more than Squid during their first joint interview he normally let Squid handle publicity. Still, he could handle one reporter with relative grace.

            “Well, my publicity manager heard  about the event and I just thought it’d be a great way to support the community.”Stampy answered shortly, but not unkindly.

            “I see…”the reporter said suspiciously, sensing a story. “Any reasons why you’re invested in this cause?”Tryers added casually. 

            Stampy stiffened, but otherwise remained outwardly calm. This conversation was quickly going into uncharted waters.

            “Yeah, I’m a fan of equal rights for everyone.”Stampy said firmly.”I suppose that should be reason enough."

            “Oh, indeed,”Treyers agreed smoothly. “But it’s still very kind of a straight person such as yourself to contribute to a cause that doesn’t directly affect you."

            “See, that’s where you’re wrong.”Stampy argued, serious for once. “This does directly affect me. Me and some of my friends are bi and L for Lee’s asexual. Even if we weren’t, though, I hope we would still try to help the community.”

            Treyers looked triumphant, but still suspicious. “I wasn’t aware of this, seeing as your records say you have only ever dated a girl.”

            “You can have a preference for a specific gender and still be bi.”Stampy informed him. “We’re not limited to cis genders either.”

            “How fascinating.”Treyers commented sarcastically. He certainly isn’t making an effort to understand, Stampy thought to himself dryly.

            The reporter continued, “How is it that you know you are bi then?”he inquired with a hint of cynicism on the edge of his tone.

            Stampy saw Squid walking back over out of the corner out his eye. Suddenly Stampy smiled as he came up with an idea.

            “Well…”Stampy started to say as he struggled not to laugh. “I wasn’t going to mention it, but here’s my date now! So if you’ll excuse me…”

            Stampy quickly walked the last few steps to Squid and dragged him onto the dance floor.

            Squid sputtered. “Wait, what?! I thought you said no dancing! I leave you alone for five minutes and suddenly you’re dragging me onto the dance floor as your partner! What?”

            Stampy shushed him and quickly grabbed Squid’s hands and placed Squid’s left on his shoulder and held Squid’s right with his left. Then he put his right hand by Squid’s waist.

            “Oh this better be right or Treyers is going to figure us out…”Stampy whispered nervously.

            "Figure what out? And why are we whispering?”Squid whispered back.

            Quickly, Stampy tried to explain his conversation with Treyers while trying to dance at the same time. It would have been easier if he knew the steps, but he had to watch his neighbor and imitate them. Fortunately, it was only a simple waltz playing and so Stampy quickly figured out how keep them stumbling through the steps without failing too badly.

            “And so he started going on about how kind of us it was to contribute to a cause that didn’t directly affect us and-“

            Squid interrupted,  “Whoa whoa whoa, now. Who, eh, who says this doesn’t affect us? I mean-“

            This time it was Stampy who cut Squid off. “I know Squid, I was getting to that bit! So I go to correct him and say that, like, me and some of my friends, such as you and Lee, are queer and he goes and basically denies this. He said I’d only dated a girl. How would I know I was bi? And then you start walking back over-“

            Squid groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did."

            Stampy laughed nervously. “Well, Squid.”More laughter. “That depends what you think I did."

            “Please tell me you didn’t say I was your date.”Squid said in exasperation.

            Stampy chuckled nervously. “Well…Funny story, actually, I-"

            “You did, didn’t you.”It wasn’t a question.

            Stampy looked up from his feet. Squid was staring at him. “Maybe.”he said in a small voice.

            Squid groaned. Then he laughed. “Well then Stampy…you couldn’t have set this up any worse, mate, I'll be honest.”

            Stampy went back to studying their feet, not only to help with the dancing. “You’re not too mad, are you?”

            “Naw, I’m not that mad. At least our publicity managers can’t tell us off for getting into an argument with a reporter.”Squid assured him.

            “Yeah, but can you imagine how they’re going to react when they find out that I sort of, maybe, said you and I were dating?”Stampy added, still doing his best to make sure they weren’t failing to dance to badly. So far he’d been leading them in a simple gliding motion around the room, but soon they’d start looking like fools if they didn’t do something different. Well, even bigger fools.

            “Argh, I’m not looking forward to that conversation.”Squid complained. “Since you started this, you’re taking the blame. I’m not bailing you out here,  mate.”

            “Fine, that’s probably fair. This was mostly my fault.”Stampy admitted.

            “Mostly? I’d say this is completely your fault!”

            “Details, details, Squid.”Stampy said, trying to change the subject. “Now, we have to shake this up or people are going to notice something. I’ve been leading us in some sort of waltz for the past two minutes, but that just isn’t going to cut it anymore. No siree!”

            "Oh is that what we’ve been doing?”Squid said. “I couldn’t tell.”

            “Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s see you do better then.”

            “Yeah, why are you leading? Shouldn’t I get a turn?”Squid wheedled. “You’ve been leading for a while.”

            “Oh yeah, we can take turns.”Stampy said casually.

            “How long do we have to keep this up for, you reckon?”Squid asked. If they were going to be taking turns it seemed they’d be dancing for a while.

            “Um, a few minutes. Until the reporter’s off our backs.”Stampy said distractedly as he gently lead Squid into a spin as the music crescendoed. They were slowly improving at this.

            Stampy tried to pay more attention to the music now that they’d stopped talking. He noticed how the other dancers normally deviated from the basic steps when the music rose or fell and so he’d slowly spun Squid around while trying not to look to stupid. The music fell and he spun him the other way.

            “Oi!”Squid said indignantly. “Are you trying to make me dizzy here?”

            “Hey, it’s not like I know any other moves! At least I’m not stepping all over your feet!”Stampy replied, with a hint of good-natured snickering.

            “Fine, but can I lead for a bit?”

            “Uh, yeah. Here.”Stampy spun Squid one more time before switching their hand positions. “You lead.”

            “Thanks, buddy.”Squid cleared his throat. “Mate. Stampy. Mr. Stampy Cat."

            Stampy smirked in amusement. “You done?”

            “Yeah.”Squid said, slightly awkwardly. “I'm done.”

            They both focus more on their dancing as they fall into a relatively comfortable silence. It’s not as if there wasn’t enough noise in the hall anyways. In addition to the music, countless famous and influential people were talking and there was an undertone of clinking dishes and silverware. The whole room throbbed with activity and people. Squid didn’t mind chaos, but he was starting to to feel the effects of so many people. He, and Stampy for that matter, were used to sitting in a room by themselves and playing video games.

            Squid turned his focus back to the matter at hand: dancing.

            All he had to do was keep them dancing for a few minutes until the reporter lost interest. He could do that.

            As the music picked up Squid held Stampy out from him and they turned in a circle. Once they’d turned full circle, Squid rhythmically back-stepped, leading Stampy into following him. They slowly turned until Stampy was where Squid had been and their joined hands pointed further onto the dance floor. After they bowed to each other Squid plunged them towards the frey of dancers in a sideways fashion, with their joined hands before them.

            Squid led Stampy in a glide from side to side as the music swelled further before it dropped off. Feeling overly conspicuous, Squid reddened and slowed their movements. Still nervous, they glided around the room, swaying slightly. The music darkened in tone and Stampy and Squid danced very deliberately forward in halting steps to the music. The music repeated itself and they did the same backwards.

            Squid peered around the room, studying the other dancers, This was an independent dance, so they weren’t overly obvious, but it couldn’t hurt to pick up some tips. As he looked around he fell back into submit ion and Stampy took the lead. He jerked his head back in surprise and looked at Stampy, who was pulling him into a spin before dragging him back closer. They were swaying gently in place to the beat. Stampy’s foot was tapping a bit in time to the music as well.

            “You took the lead back.”Squid said in mock outrage.

            “Did I?”said Stampy, bemused. “Sorry. You can lead if you want. I don’t care.”

            “Naw, it’s alright. I’m fine, I’m fine.”Squid replied distractedly. He was very confused because he had slipped back into submission while he was watching the other dancers and he was strangely enjoying Stampy’s lead. This didn’t seem very in character for him. He normally wanted to lead and he didn’t take orders from anyone. Yet here was Stampy, casually leading him around the room in a dance and here he was, enjoying it? Not very in character at all.

            Before Squid could contemplate this any further Stampy grabbed Squid’s free hand with his own and performed one last dramatic flourish before the song ended and they bowed. 

            Stampy let go of Squid’s hands and they broke apart awkwardly. They each had subconsciously decided they’d been dancing long enough. Everyone else started applauding and they looked at each other nervously before joining in.

            “You know, Stampy.”Squid commented while applauding. “We, uh, we didn’t do too bad. For some people who had never danced before.”

            Stampy laughed. “You know, Squid I’d say you’re right." he muttered something sarcastic about how he would say that, but…He laughed again before Squid continued.

            Squid smirked before saying, “I would even go as far as to say we did well.’

              Stampy stuttered as if Squid had taken the words out of his mouth. “Exactly, Squid, exactly. We practically stole the show.”

            “Yeah, I mean I didn’t want to brag, but we were pretty awesome, I mean did you see some of those moves?”Squid’s smirk intensified.

            “Oh yeah. Exactly.” Stampy grinned and they both laughed.

            “So anyways! Now that that’s out of our systems…we should head back to the table.”Stampy said, still grinning.

            Squid cleared his throat. “Yeah, we should make sure it didn’t wander away after all.”

            They weaved their way through the whispering crowd back towards the snack table. Everyone around them seemed to be talking about something. Or someone.

            “Hey, Squid? ”Stampy asked hesitantly.

            “Hmm?”

            “Is it just me…or is everyone staring at us?”

            Squid looked up. He’d still been thinking about his bizarre behavior earlier and, as a result, hadn’t noticed that Stampy was correct. Everyone was staring at them.

            “Yeah, they are. I wonder why that is?”Squid replied sarcastically while still looking around. Over in the far corner, the reporter from earlier was frantically scribbling something down.

            Stampy laughed nervously. “Well, I’d imagine it’s because they think we’re dating.”He laughed again. “Is that going to cause us problems now? I bet it is.”he sighed.

            Squid thought about it. People thought he was dating Stampy. They would get in loads of trouble if they said they’d lied, but they would have to eventually. Unless they started actually dating…Squid mentally shook himself. Why was he thinking about that? First he enjoyed Stampy’s lead and now this?

            Squid shook his head. “I don’t know, mate. Maybe it’ll be like a good sort of problem?”

            Stampy snickered.

            “What? Do you know what I mean?” Squid asked wonderingly.

            Stampy shook his head bemusedly. “No. Well…maybe. I dunno, we’ll see. Our limo’s almost here.”

            Squid nodded. “We’ll see.”He was a bit confused himself, to be quite honest.

            “So come on then. To the limo. Because we’re fancy like that.”Stampy tugged on Squid’s sleeve and started walking toward the front exit. Squid followed him, still slightly lost in thought.

            “Hey, Stamps?”

            “Yeah?”Stampy cleared his throat. “What’s up?”

            “Do you wanna play some hunger games tomorrow? On the xBox? I have a map downloaded from ages ago that I never played.”

            “Yeah. Sure. It’s not like there’s much else I’d be doing.”Stampy smiled.

            “Awesome. I’ll, um, see if anyone else can play.”

            “Yeah. Sure,” Stampy said again, nonchalantly. He focused more on what he was saying. “Glad to see you doing some more on the xBox. The good old xBox.”

            “I thought it was time to get back to my roots.” Squid replied, smiling.

            “Well, I think that’s awesome.”  Stampy stated. He grinned. “Oh look, our ride’s here.”

            Squid looked away from Stampy and saw he was right. The same limo that they’d arrived had just pulled up in front of the hall. Squid opened the door and Stampy got in.

            He laughed. “Alright then. After you, mate.”

            Stampy laughed too. “Thanks, I will.”

            Squid followed him in and shut the door.

            The driver opened the dividing screen and they asked him to drop them each off at home.

            “Say, what’s everyone whispering about out there? They all seem awfully interested in it.”the driver asked.

            Stampy and Squid looked at each other. Stampy spoke up. “Oh nothing. You’ll find out soon enough.”

            The driver still looked curious, but he smiled and said, “Alright. If you say so.”

            “Trust us on this. It’ll be all over the news.”Squid smirked slightly.

            Stampy nodded and the driver did too before he slid the screen shut and drove them away from the ball.

            “Well…”Stampy said. “That was fun.”

            “Oh yeah. Totally.”

            So they sat in relative silence until the limo dropped them off and they went back to their lives.


	2. Tabloids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the last one and the ending might be a bit bad, but I tried and hopefully some of it will amuse you.

            “We won!”Stampy shouted enthusiatically,grinning.”We won, Squid!”

            He heard Squid reply through Skype as he set down his controller and the host, aka Squid, exited the game.

            Squid laughed with Stampy. “We did win! That was an intense game.”

            “Oh yeah, I was only on three hearts at the end there.”Stampy agreed. “But anyways, thank you all very much for watching. That’s the end of this video so I will see you all later. Byyyyeeee!”

            Stampy smirked as Squid joined in.

            “Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyee!”

            Chuckling, Stampy thanked Squid for hosting the map.

            Squid grinned. “No problem. It was about time we played it anyways. Been on here for ages.”

            “Yeah.”Stampy replied. “Well, anyways, I have to go upload this, so I’ll have to talk to you later.”

            “Oh yeah. The same. See you later then!”Squid said as he remembered he hadn’t posted anything yet today.

            Squid hung up as Stampy stood up and stretched. Looking around, Stampy went over to his computer after nicking his capture card. Smiling at his and Squid’s victory he flipped the card in his hand before inserting it into his computer.

            With the capture card uploading, he checked his email and skype, as well as xBox live, to see that Lee was frantically messaging him.

            Automatically, Stampy opened his Skype conversation with Lee to see what was happening. 

 

L For Leeeeee x

            Stampy! What did you do?!                                                                                      11:24

 

L For Leeeeee x

            Why are you and Squid on the cover of Youtubers Weekly?!                                   11:25

 

L For Leeeeee x

            WHY DOES YOUTUBERS WEEKLY SAY YOU AND SQUID ARE DATING?!?                                                                                                                                                                          11:27

 

            Stampy read these with increasing exasperation before groaning out-load at the last one. Then he laughed. He couldn’t help it; he naturally found most things funny. So he laughed at the mess he’d gotten himself into. More than that. The mess he’d gotten Squid into. That sobered him up quickly.

            Smirking at himself nonetheless, he wondered what to text Lee back. He couldn’t really figure out how to respond to that so he typed in the first thing he thought of.

 

Stampylongnose

            Okay, so I get that this is bad and everything, but why are you reading a tabloid about Youtubers?           11:28

 

L for Leeeeee x

            Um well, it’s good to keep up on the news of other Youtubers? Like so that we can keep up with everyone else.                   11:28

 

Stampylongnose

            Eh eh eh, don’t you try and say you are just being business savvy. Why were you reading it?       11:28

 

L for Leeeeee x

            Aren’t you supposed to be the one on trial here? }:/ What did you do, Stamps?    11:28

 

Stampylongnose

            Here, I’ll call you. One sec.                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                      11:28

           

            Stampy stopped typing and called Lee on Skype. His computer probably wouldn’t like being forced to call Lee and upload a video at the same time, but it’d be easier to explain what happened if he was talking. After all, talking was something he did a lot, he thought with a wry smirk.

            Stampy saw Lee pick up almost instantly and immediately tried to explain himself in as few words as possible.

            “So then we mucked around on the dance floor for a bit before going home.”Stampy finished.

            “Well Stampy…”Lee said, chuckling despite himself.”You got yourself into quite a mess.”

            “But what am I supposed to do now?” Stampy ask earnestly. “I can barely speak in public, let alone try to apologize for lying to a reporter!”

            Lee thought for a moment before asking the obvious question.

            “Do you guys’ public managers know?”

            Stampy shook his head before realizing Lee couldn’t see him.

            “Umm, yeah.”Stampy blew out his breath in a spwoosh. “We should probably tell them about this.”

            “By “we” you had better mean you and Squid.” Lee said pointedly.

            Stampy spwooshed again.

            “Yeah, that’s fair.” he admitted. Then he grinned. At least he’d face the managers with Squid by his side. Being with Squid was always fun.

            With Stampy lost in thought and Lee being a naturally quiet person, the room was silent except for the Minecraft music from Stampy’s still turned on TV in the background.

            Eventually Lee said, “Well, thanks for explaining, Stamps. I’ll see you later.”

            Stampy jerked up straight. “Yeah! See ya later, Lee-Bear.”

            He smiled again as Lee hung up.

——————————————————————————————————————————

                       

            “For the last time, I’m not really dating Stampy!” Squid informed the latest person to call him. They were the fifth person today because, unlike Stampy, Squid had kept his Skype profile set as online. Exhausted, he hung up and slumped back into his chair. As an afterthought, he set his profile to invisible.

            Sighing in exasperation, he checked to see that his video was uploaded and saw that it was. It had taken a ridiculous amount of time, over four hours.

            “Hey Squid!”

            Squid turned to see his brother, Tomahawk, standing in the doorway of the office. He strode into the room, holding something behind his back.

            “Hey Squid!” he repeated. “Check it out!”

            He threw what he was holding down onto the desk for Squid to see. It was a copy of Youtubers Weekly.

            “What’s this-“ Squid started. “Oh great. Now I see.”

            On the front page was an excerpt from an article in the tabloid, which read “Famous Youtubers iBallisticsquid and Stampylongnose were spotted dancing together at a LGBT ball. More on page 2.”

            Squid inhaled sharply and cleared his throat.

            “Ahem, well I can explain.” He said for the sixth time today. Quickly, he stated what happened and what he’d been doing all day.

            “So that’s why I’ve been sitting here answering calls all day and why I’m looking up cases of public deceit. Because apparently, there’s more to this than public humiliation!”

            Tomahawk laughed. “Good luck with that, mate.”

            “Great.”Squid said again. “Thanks.”

            He smirked humorless.

                        “No problem, dude. Anyways, see ya later. I have to meet Netty at one.” Tomahawk smiled. “I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

            “Yeah. Of course I will.” Squid replied, employing a strange accent towards the end. “Of course I will.”

            Tomahawk nodded and loped out of the room.

            Squid slumped back into his chair once more and was considering what to do with his free time when a new window popped up on his computer.

                                                           

                                                               Incoming Call

                                                             Stampylongnose

           

            Instinctly, Squid answered the call.

            “Eh, hello?” Squid said tentatively.

            “Heya, Stampy here. You good then?”came Stampy’s voice from the monitor.

            “Well, now that you mention it I’ve gotten five calls today asking me if I was dating you. I haven’t been able to do anything else!”Squid said in exasperation.

            “Yeah, I’m sorry about that then. Did you figure out if there is anything we can do about the whole, um, reporter fiasco?”Stampy asked hesitantly.

            “I’ll be honest,mate, there wasn’t much. Um, nothing worth mentioning here.”Squid said, distractedly. He hadn’t had any time to compile anything useful. This was the first time he’d really thought about what he’d read.

            “Right.”Stampy paused. “I reckon we should probably tell our managers.”

            Squid groaned. “Ugh, do we have to?”

            “Come on, Squid. We’re going to need to tell them eventually anyways!”He sounded nervous. As if he was worried Squid wouldn’t agree.

            Squid sighed again. “Fine. When should we meet up then?”

            Squid could practically hear smile on the other end.

            “Um, I’m free at two. You?”

            “Yeah, that’s fine.”Squid smiled. “See ya in front of the office building at two?"

            “Um, yeah! See you then!”Stampy replied. Squid imagined he was grinning nervously.

            “Yeah, bye!”Squid said, waiting a second before he hung up.

            “See you at two, Stampy.”he added to himself before going back to work at his computer.


	3. Fanatics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Only took me a year to sit down and write this. I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out, though. If I’d written it earlier, it might have gone a lot worse. Anyways, this is the final chapter except for maybe an epilogue. Huge shout-out to you if you sat through the first two chapters, where I was just trying to get the hang of things like a year ago. I hope you like it.

As soon as they stepped out of the car, someone screamed. Stampy jumped at the noise, comically stumbling back into Squid. Squid shoved him away, but his hand lingered behind Stampy in case he fell again. Then he rolled his eyes and gestured towards the door of a grand office building.

“Just ignore them and come on,” he said.

“Well that’s easier said than done,” Stampy noted. He pointed to a crowd of people excitedly whispering amongst themselves. “I think they want to talk to us, Squid.”

Squid groaned and surveyed the area. A group of people, some carrying microphones, others merely their iPhones, blocked the path into the office building, where their manager was waiting. Nothing about this situation sounded fun. Squid looked helplessly at Stampy and nudged him to go first.

“After you, then.”

Stampy sighed and marched forward, trying to look confident. Squid followed, feeling vague amusement overtake his uncertainty. Talking with fans or reporters wasn’t one of his strong suits, even at the best of times when he knew what he was allowed to say. Stampy was the same way.

“Uh, hello, excuse us,” Stampy tried to get through the crowd of people. Immediately they all turned to him and started asking questions. Squid came up behind Stampy and caught some of what they were saying. There were a lot of questions about their relationship, as he expected, but a surprising amount were positive, if a bit personal. Squid exchanged a glance with Stampy, trying to come up with a plan.

“It’s alright, Squid, I’ve got this,” Stampy said cheekily. He held up his hands, grinning a maniac grin, and started to talk like he was announcing something.

“We’ll answer everyone’s questions if you’d please just let us past you once we answer. Okay?”

The crowd murmured and shifted, but Squid didn’t hear any objections. Stampy had put on a good show. They approached the first row of people, reluctantly prepared to hear them out.

“When did you two begin your relationship?” asked a reporter in a gratingly professional tone. It seemed that several of the people surrounding the reporter worked for the same place and Squid was quietly pleased that they wouldn’t have to sit through more questions than they had to.

“Well we’ve known each other for ages, been friends forever, you see,” Stampy began. He looked at Squid like he wanted him to continue.

Squid raised his eyebrows and automatically opened his mouth to continue.

“Uh, yeah, so a relationship just sort of makes sense, doesn’t it? We got together about a month ago, but it was sort of a formality more than anything else.”

He did his best to look to look agreeable. His eyes, which were oddly widened, scanned the crowd and flicked back to Stampy’s face. Stampy gave a half-smile and clapped his hands together, turning to the crowd.

“Right, so next question, then, who’s up?”

Squid pushed his way through the first layer of the crowd and the reporters begrudgingly backed off. He smirked at that before studying his next ‘interviewer’. Or rather, interviewers. It was another group of people, a squad of fans. They were giggling slightly, smiling at Stampy and Squid nervously, whether from the question they had in mind or the giddiness of being in front of celebrities.

“What do you love most about each other?” one of the fans dared to ask. The group jostled amongst themselves, tittering as they awaited a response.

The answer came to Squid immediately, like it was something he knew instinctively and was prepared to say if only he was asked.

“His sense of humor,” Squid said with a lopsided grin. “Never met anyone who laughed so much as him. Not to mention how Stampy’s laugh always makes me want to laugh too. We egg each other on a lot, don’t we, Stamps?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Stampy, skillfully recovering himself after being put back into the spotlight. “I say something that you find funny, you say something I find funny, and soon it’s just- it sort of snowballs, I think.”

“Mm,” Squid agreed, his mind already racing onwards. “So what’s your answer then, eh? What is it you love about the magnificent Squid-Nugget?”

Stampy rolled his eyes, one corner of his mouth quirked upwards. “Clearly your modesty, but anyways, anyways, um, let me think. Probably…”

He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and opened it again, looking rather puzzled.

“Thing I love most, huh?” he said, brow furrowed. “Well nothing really stands out…”

“Come on now!” Squid interjected indignantly, feeling his heart sink.

“Not like that!” Stampy added hastily, his cheeks flushed. “It’s just hard to pick only one thing. There’s, uh, well, quite a lot I like about you, Squid. But I’ll think of something…”

After a moment’s thought, Stampy spoke again, “Your resilience. Always putting up with my teasing. And always teasing me back, to be fair. A lot of other people would have given up at some point, but we’ve stayed friends for a good long while.”

Squid’s heartrate quickened and he cleared his throat. “Yeah, well… next question, then!”

The group of fans all opened their mouths at once, probably to ask more questions, but Squid wove through them to someone who was pretty obviously a reporter. Stampy was right behind him.

“Alright, ask away,” Squid told the reporter. “We don’t have all day and I’m sure you don’t either.”

The reporter got straight to the point.

“Have there been any negative responses to your match?” she inquired.

Stampy started next to Squid. Squid froze completely for half a second before forcing himself to relax, thinking fast. Now that he thought about it…

“Not really,” he shrugged, taking a deep breath. “There are always haters, but nobody that I’ve paid any attention to.”

“Everyone’s been really positive and supportive,” Stampy managed to say, seeming to be mildly embarrassed. He glanced at Squid uncertainly for a moment and Squid stretched nonchalantly, trying to convey to Stampy that he wasn’t too bothered by any of this. Did Stampy think that he would be bothered by his performance? That’s all this was, right? A performance until they could speak with their manager. The honesty of which they had answered the questions so far shouldn’t really make a difference. Squid told himself this all of this, but he couldn’t stop his heart from fluttering upon hearing Stampy happily announce everyone’s support of their relationship.

The reporter looked almost disappointed for a moment, but she and her team stepped aside to let them pass and Squid appreciated that if nothing else.

It was another group of fans this time, but smaller, only four young teenagers. They looked nervous as three of them pushed forward a representative.

“What exactly made you decide to start dating?” she asked quietly. “I mean, did something happen to- to move you forward in your relationship? To become more than just f-friends?”

Squid exchanged an odd look with Stampy. There was no way to twist the truth to fit this question because they hadn’t started dating in the first place. Whatever they said here they would have to remember because Squid had watched enough TV shows to know that when you lie, you had better remember it for the inevitable spiral of lies you were set on. And whatever they said needed to make sense with what the other said. The trouble was they were both reluctant to start saying anything at all.

“Eh, mm, well,” Stampy began hesitantly. “There wasn’t really one moment, per se. No big realizations or anything, not really. More like lots of random thoughts that sort of combine in your head until you realize that…”

“That you can’t really imagine your life without someone?” Squid suggested, trying to maintain a humorous vibe despite his pounding heart.

“Yeah,” affirmed Stampy, still thoughtful. “It’s like _‘_ I don’t ever want to be apart from this person’, and then it turns into ‘how can I tell this person that I feel that way’. So uh, I guess I found a way, now that I think about it. It’s all probably a bit more complicated than that, but you don’t want to hear all that, now do you?”

Squid shook his head in an ironically agreeable fashion. “I don’t think we have time if you do, though. Sorry about that, but tight schedule and all. Can we keep going now?”

“Uh, yeah, Squid’s right,” Stampy agreed. “We do have to keep moving.” Squid started dragging him forward and Stampy quickly added, “It was nice meeting you, though!”

The fans whispered and chattered excitedly as Stampy and Squid left them behind, weaving through to the next group. It was another assortment of fans, quite a lot of them this time, all looking much more confident and determined than their precursor.

“What was your first date like?” a tough-looking girl asked bluntly. She crossed her muscled arms over her chest, clearly awaiting an answer. “Unless you haven’t gone on one yet. In that case, what’s your ideal first date? Or anything you would fix about your real one.”

“Uh,” Squid’s mind blanked. He scrambled to think of date ideas, something he’d never considered before. A date with Stampy… what would they do?

“Probably go to the cinema or something,” he said aloud without realizing it. Then his face flushed. “We haven’t actually gone on any proper dates yet, yeah. So… probably the cinema together, although Stampy’s rather hard to watch movies with.”

Stampy’s hand came up to the back of his neck sheepishly. “I have a degree in films and all that, you see, so I normally pick apart the movies I watch.”

“Do you still do that when you’re at the cinema?” Squid turned to Stampy questioningly. “As opposed to when we’re at home, I mean.”

“Uh,” Stampy chuckled endearingly. “I try to tone it down some when, when that happens.”

Squid smirked. “Better than nothing. How does a movie sound to you? I’ll pay for the Skittles.”

The fans had started grinning madly while Stampy and Squid talked and one of them let out an involuntary squeal of excitement, abruptly pulling Squid back to reality. Had he just…? _He had._ Oh dear, he had taken this too far, hadn’t he? He hadn’t even meant to, but he had. Squid had asked Stampy out on what was supposed to have been an imaginary date.

Stampy nearly sputtered for a moment in shock. Finally he managed to answer, his eyes darting to the fans’ faces stealthily and with caution.

“Yeah,” he said in a high pitched voice. “Yeah, sure,” he gave an echo of a laugh. “I guess that means I’m paying for popcorn, then?”

Squid felt a rush of relief unexpectedly. Was it really such a good thing that his best friend had agreed to go to the cinema with him in what was pretty clearly a romantic context? His heart told him it was, as much as his brain told him to ignore it in favor of reason. Squid hesitantly heard his heart out, feeling it beat wildly against his chest. Stampy had said yes. They might have been answering questions in front of fans and reporters, but Stampy had still agreed. That had to count for something, had to mean something… right? Squid’s heart answered with the certainty his brain lacked. There was meaning there if he was ready to look for it.

“Yeah, but it’s not that expensive,” grinned Squid, feeling entirely too excited. Then he remembered the reality he was in and turned away from Stampy. “That should answer your question, guys. Time for us to move on.”

The fans moved aside in fits of excited chatter, beaming as their idols stepped through the gap. They were nearly through to the building, the door less than five feet away. Only a final group of determined reporters stood between it and them.

A devious-looking man with a clipboard stepped forward, his every motion calculated. Squid didn’t like the look of him and had the feeling he was going to like him even less after he opened his mouth.

The man smiled unnervingly. “Some people have expressed doubts on the strength of your relationship. They claim you may only be dating for publicity or perhaps not even at all. Would you care to rebuke that statement?”

Squid’s heart went from rapid pounding to a dead stop. Were they caught?

“Definitely want to ‘rebuke’ that,” Stampy informed him casually. Squid’s heart was shocked back into life. “Didn’t you hear about the date we’re going to go on just now?”

“Ah, yes,” the man answered with a curl of his lip. “But some would consider that nothing more than an outing between two friends. Do you mean to say that it is more?”

This man had backed them into a corner. Squid was filled with a sense of uncertainty. What were they even going to do once they reached their manager? None of this was Squid’s strong suit at all. And he hadn’t want to lie in the first place, even. Lying wasn’t going to bring them anything good, but then again it didn’t seem like telling the truth would help either.

“It’s more if we say it’s more,” Stampy insisted. “Dating’s not about what you do; it’s who it’s with!”

“Wow, Stampy,” Squid said. “You’re being a hopeless romantic or something. I-“

He cut himself off, unsure where he was going. He didn’t feel right making a joke just now. What could he say that wasn’t a joke, though? What was it he wasn’t saying? Beside the fact he wasn’t actually dating Stampy, that is. He definitely didn’t want to say that. But that didn’t mean that he _did_ want to say he was dating Stampy. It shouldn’t mean that. But it did. _He_ did.

Squid shoved his hands into his pockets. “Yeah. Going to the cinema with Stampy, going anywhere with him, really, means more to me because it’s him. I mean, that’s… that’s kind of a big deal, don’t you think?” He grinned awkwardly.

“I see…” said the reporter, his lips still curled in a sneer. “Thank you for your time.”

Squid rushed forward the moment everyone stepped aside and flung open the door. He saw Stampy in first before closing the door behind him with more vigor than necessary. He was finally in the lobby, his heart pounding rapidly in his heart for more reasons than one. What a day.

“H-hey, we made it!” Squid said, prepared to pretend nothing had happened now that he was alone with Stampy. His self-preservation reasserted itself and he forced an uncomfortable laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, we did,” said Stampy. “But what were you saying about, well, me and us and all that? You’re not getting out of this that easy, Squid!”

Under normal circumstances, Squid would have laughed again, but it was quickly becoming clear these weren’t normal circumstances.

“What did I say exactly? I said a lot of things. You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Just…” Stampy hesitated. “Any of it. About things meaning more when I’m with you. Or… something about how you can’t imagine your life without me? Not to mention how you invited me to the cinema. Seems like you’re going above and beyond the call of duty here, Squid-nugget.”

“Oh yeah,” Squid laughed nervously. “That.”

He took Stampy by the arm and pulled them off to the side, away from the doors. Stampy looked remarkably earnest, a smile pulling at his lips, and Squid ducked his head slightly before looking him in the face.

“Well, uh…” hedged Squid. “Everyone was talking about date ideas and activities and stuff so I thought hey, maybe we could go to the cinema together. That sounds fun. Just a suggestion, just a suggestion, but … since everyone brought it up, I thought I’d ask.”

“What, like as… friends?” Stampy dared to ask. “Or… in a different context.” He exhaled and smiled wearily, like this was too much for him. “Just tell it to me straight, Squid. Wait, not straight necessarily… bad choice of words. Uh… tell it to me in a blunt way while still remaining your normal bisexual self?”

He articulated the words in a strange rhythmic way, with too much emphasis towards the end, smirking and fidgeting slightly in time to his speech. Squid couldn’t help smiling despite the blood rushing in his ears. His face must have been bright red.

“Okay then,” Squid said, holding back another awkward laugh. “Alright. Can we just appreciate how I managed to avoid lying for the vast majority of that Q&A? Because that was tricky. But I meant… well I’m pretty sure I meant most of what I said.”

Stampy’s fidgeting intensified, like he was nervous. “Let’s just cut to the chase then, alright, Squid-nugget? I’ll tell the truth if you will.”

“Haven’t you been listening? I just said I’ve been telling the truth.”

Stampy held up his hands. “Alright, fine. Then here’s my attempt at the truth.”

He took a deep breath. “If you were to say that the cinema date is meant romantically, I would still accept. There, I said it. Now what do you say?”

Squid was basically floored for a solid four seconds. Then he pulled himself together.

“I-I say that,” he searched Stampy’s face, “it could be meant romantically… it certainly wouldn’t be amiss in a, in a romantic context…”

Stampy beamed. “Alright then, Squid-nugget! You have yourself a date! A real one this time and not one I made up to mess with a reporter…”

“That wasn’t your finest moment, I will admit,” Squid replied automatically, not paying too much attention in lieu of the tingles of delight flooding his body. He had a real, actual, legitimate date with Stampy. That didn’t seem possible. But it was.

“So…” Stampy grinned. “What are we going to tell our manager?”

Squid groaned. “A better question would be ‘what are you going to tell him?’. I’m not saying a word. It never ends well.”

“Oh come on,” scoffed Stampy. “Seriously? You managed to get me out on a date, no small feat I might add, and you’re scared of our manager?”

“The reward is a lot better,” Squid said simply, interrupting Stampy’s tirade.

“I- what?” Stampy stopped. “Did you just…?”

“Get used to it, mate,” said Squid, recklessly grabbing Stampy’s hand. “Don’t you have a manager to talk to?”

Stampy looked puzzled, following along beside Squid as he led them towards an elevator. “I… maybe.”

“So you’ll tell him that we’re dating and all, yeah?” asked Squid, an amused smile in his voice.

“If I have to,” sighed Stampy tolerantly. He smiled back at Squid. “It’s the truth, right?”


	4. You Need More Yes In Your Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it! This story is finally complete. I dashed off the epilogue just before 2016 in my timezone. I hope you enjoy it.

_Some Time Later_

The murmuring cacophony of the event reminded Stampy of dozens of other events he had attended in the past, but this one was all the better for the presence of Squid at his side. But to be fair, Squid was almost always at his side and everything in his life was better for it. Now if only Stampy could make that permanent.

“And then,” Squid continued talking to an interviewer, “he jumps behind me, shrieking, if you can believe it. I laughed for days.”

Stampy rolled his eyes, but his annoyance was tempered by his smile. “Yeah, yeah, enough of all that, Squid. No one needs to know.”

“Yeah, they do,” Squid informed him frankly. “This is an important story!” Then he laughed, self-aware, and shifted his stance. “I’m going to go get drinks, anyways, to give you a chance to settle the score.”

Squid wrapped an arm around Stampy’s shoulders and squeezed him before wandering off towards the drink table.

The interviewed waited patiently before asking her next question. “So what are the two of you working on at the moment? You’ve been together for over a year and your collaborations since then have been extremely popular amongst your fans. Do you intend to continue with this trend?”

Stampy smiled hesitantly, a brief and awkward chuckle to go with it. “Well, uh, we’ve been working on a few things, as I’m sure you’re aware, but I do have an idea for a new project. That is, if Squid will agree to it.”

He pulled a silly face in an attempt to hide how flustered he was. “You know what he’s like,” he said as he snuck a hand into his pocket to wrap around a ring box.

“Oh really?” asked the interviewer. “Any sneak peeks for this new project of yours? It sounds very interesting.”

“Uh…” Stampy hedged, scanning the room quickly. He spotted Squid coming back, carrying two drinks, and quickly decided that diverting attention away from himself was his best plan of action.

“Oh look,” Stampy said, tilting his head towards Squid. “My fiancé is coming back now. Why don’t you talk to him?”

He realized his mistake before he could even register the look of shock on the interviewer’s face. Stampy almost wanted to laugh, as that was how he responded to most things, but he quickly pulled himself together.

“Oh, not again,” he muttered, pulling out the ring box. “Not this time!”

Squid had gotten close to him now and raised his eyebrows at Stampy as he lifted his drink to his lips.

“Hey, Squid?” Stampy asked helplessly, holding out the ring box. “Will you marry me? Please?”

Squid jerked his drink away and quickly set both cups down on a nearby table.

“What?” he exclaimed, taken aback and sure he was being trolled. “Say that again.”

Stampy got down on one knee, still smiling helplessly. “I’m serious. Will you marry me?” When Squid didn’t reply right away, he added, “I always said you needed more yes in your life. Now’s the time, Squid nugget.”

“I mean,” Squid blustered, “Yes, sure, Stamps, but what-?”

He didn’t get to finish as Stampy jumped to his feet and kissed him quickly. He was too excited to hold back and as soon as he pulled away, he opened the box and asked, “May I do the honors?”

Squid held out his hand dimly and watched Stampy slip the ring on. It was surreal for both of them, Stampy realized as he looked from the ring to Squid’s face.

“What made you do that now?” Squid asked, laughing at the end in pleased disbelief.

“I slipped up, you see,” Stampy answered, grinning. “But it’s all worked out. I certainly think so anyways.”

“Oh yeah, it’s definitely all worked out okay,” said Squid, grabbing Stampy’s hand. Stampy’s happiness was more than enough to block out the sounds of frantic reporters and he had a feeling Squid was the same way.


End file.
